[He closes his eyes, before he offers the carving to him. It's not especially good. It's hard to tell what kind of animal it is, even. Just some legs and a tail and a big head.]
You said to say..."please be fine". So please be fine.
... Last week, I traded a bird carving for some cigarettes for Yoonhee to get him to cooperate. The Witch mentioned a bird that was native to his world, and I said I could carve that for him, too.
[ (You didn't think you'd have to use his favor so soon, though.
But it was always going to be for something like this, you think. Just in case you...) ]
So he said if I did, I could get something then or he'd owe me a favor -- but he'd be the one deciding the specifics of it. I agreed to the favor, since I didn't have anything I wanted right then, and I paid up today. [ ... ] I can't tell you much. But I just don't want someone to be burdened with killing me, when they've all got enough from the votes.
[He thinks of the humans he has met. The grumpy Falsch of the underground troupe, the determined shark hunter, the haphazard but excellent detective that was Barawa.]
[They all will be gone one day. He will persist. He hasn't really thought about it. But things like this put a lot of things into a new perspective.]
... A lot of people like you, for some reason. You don't really get why.
It isn't like it saved you.) ]
... Just make sure it doesn't happen again. Evidence like what we had... isn't concrete enough. Um. It's easy to make mistakes with, I mean. Just because of coincidence.
Not really. I get it. We don't know... what'll happen if we don't choose anyone, or if we all tie up. Unknowns are worse than knowns.
[ At least with sentencing one, they avoided one being sentenced at random. That sounds like something "fun".
Siffrin's voice lowers, but it's still... the same soft-spoken neutrality they've been carrying this conversation. Almost weather-talkish. ]
I'm angrier that no one came forward with the truth. That they watched the whole thing, and they'll be watching tomorrow, too. Though... self-defense doesn't make someone "guilty" either, so we'd still have a hard decision in the end.
[ (...
Except you would still be able to save your family members. Spend time with your friends. Enjoy the company of...
Beneath the Favor Tree. You wonder if the Universe listened, or if it watched you like it always does.
...
What would you wish for? What did you then...
It's still the same, you guess. It always will be.) ]
... To be able to stay with my family members. Beyond our journey together. But wishes just give you the means, it doesn't actually make them real. You still put in the effort.
[ So there's no telling how that wish would've shaped out!!! ]
[He thinks of the Mole Troupe. Ah, how he remembers it. The ever-gloomy Falsch, trying to grasp that beautiful image of the past.]
I know how that feels.
[He left the Troupe, too. They all did. They all had to.]
...An actor I met. He lived in the darkness. In the underground, more specifically. He used to be part of a group...the Mole Troupe. But one day, it all felt apart. And all he wanted...was to reunite them all once again. To have his Mole Troupe on that stage. He thought he was abandoned, and he tried to put together his Troupe with people he found...like me.
You understand this Falsch very much. Your throat is tight, and you don't want to hear anything else. All you want... is to stay with them. Is that too much to ask? To be together?
To never be alone again?) ]
... Did you have fun? In his troupe.
[ (Why is always an actor? Because you're all so, so good at being someone that others want to be around? Because you can pretend to be good, to be selfless, to be kind and considerate when really-- really you're selfish and disgusting and a monster, a monster that monsters run from, one they don't see as human because how could you be if you have nothing that proves you are.) ]
We went our separate ways after our single and only performance.
[He wasn't very good. They all weren't very good, save for Falsch, really, and he already had the experience. But that wasn't the point, he thinks. He may know much, but even he knows the worth of something isn't measured in how many people clapped.]
[He smiles, warmly.]
But I look back on it, and...I was happy. And I was happy to be part of it. Even if it didn't last forever.
That's good. Acting's a lot of fun, though I've always been more of the audience than on stage myself.
[ Siffrin watches his reflection in the mirror. Wonders what everyone else sees, to make them speak so kindly. To miss him. To want to apologize, to say he doesn't deserve it.
It must be fun to be the audience. You get to see so many stories.
[Good and bad. By wonderful actors and horrible ones. There must be something to it. He always felt like more like the audience. Everyone else plays out their lives.]
[He's catching up. He didn't find that prism-color performance, yet.]
Mm, him? He's a drunkard, and a man doing whatever job he could. Even strange things. I'm sure he returned to that, but... [But. He thinks about it for a moment.] From our belowground experience...I think he got what he wanted. He had a play, you see. Now he knows what to do with it. He can be above ground, now. In the light.
Well, I hope the same will be for you. That you will see the-
[But that's right.]
[He won't do that.]
[Something crumples in his face with a noise in his throat, and he doesn't continue. How awful. He never thought about it. He didn't want to. And now, being reminded of it, it just makes him feel sick.]
You know... I'm pretty hard to get rid of. The King was angry too, that time and time again I was the reason he never succeeded.
[ It was funny. It didn't end up being too funny, but at the moment (you felt so powerful). ]
Chara thinks that I'll come back somehow. We all will. Because The Witch doesn't have a need to permanently kill us off, if he's looking to draw on our feelings -- that's a waste of resources. [ ... ] I probably won't see you again, or at least not for a while... but I won't be gone forever. Probably.
[ It's only a theory. And it might do more harm than good, but...
... Siffrin doesn't like the way that Sariel looks, right now. Feels helpless to do anything but parrot the words of a peer. Someone who's been through what they have, who they trust. ]
[ Siffrin can be found practicing "walking" in the tea room.
...
Which is just flinging himself between point a and point b and trying to stick a landing that isn't Too stuck in the flooring. Plenty of little divots mark their progress, or lack there of. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
WEEK 2 POST TRIAL
[He's holding a wooden carving.]
[His face is solemn, but they're watery.]
Siffrin. How do you...feel?
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But they sit up at Sariel's approach, curious eye drawn to the carving. ]
... Okay, I guess. I'm used to dying. But it's kind of weird to think I won't be coming back, this time.
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[He closes his eyes, before he offers the carving to him. It's not especially good. It's hard to tell what kind of animal it is, even. Just some legs and a tail and a big head.]
You said to say..."please be fine". So please be fine.
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But.)
Siffrin takes it anyway, turning it over in hand with a small smile that grows with the words Sariel speaks.
(... But it's wonderful, too. You got a gift.) ]
I think I can be, with a gift like this. [ ... ] Sit with me for a while? It's boring in here.
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[He will flump down next to them, unsure what to say.]
[It's hard. He feels so many things, but its hard to understand it all.]
What did you agree to...with Ish?
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[ (You didn't think you'd have to use his favor so soon, though.
But it was always going to be for something like this, you think. Just in case you...) ]
So he said if I did, I could get something then or he'd owe me a favor -- but he'd be the one deciding the specifics of it. I agreed to the favor, since I didn't have anything I wanted right then, and I paid up today. [ ... ] I can't tell you much. But I just don't want someone to be burdened with killing me, when they've all got enough from the votes.
[ Even those who hadn't voted for them, they... ]
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[Some kind of favor. Ish is unpredictable. He will do everything for his Goddess.]
Siffrin. Will you suffer?
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You don't know... exactly, what to expect, but...
...
Most likely.
You decide to lie.) ]
No more than the time I died suffocating from an allergic reaction to a pineapple slice.
[ It was awful.
Tasted so, so good. But was awful. ]
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[lucilius: fuck immune systems]
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[ And it sucks, Sariel. ]
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[ Imagine. Being afraid to interact with ants! Because you could die from it! Terrible. ]
You're pretty lucky, as a... [ ... ] Not human.
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[Without allergies and all.]
I'll...miss you. Siffrin.
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[ Sariel has such a big heart. ]
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[They all will be gone one day. He will persist. He hasn't really thought about it. But things like this put a lot of things into a new perspective.]
[He nods.]
I like you. You don't deserve this.
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... A lot of people like you, for some reason. You don't really get why.
It isn't like it saved you.) ]
... Just make sure it doesn't happen again. Evidence like what we had... isn't concrete enough. Um. It's easy to make mistakes with, I mean. Just because of coincidence.
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[Sariel nods, a little morose.]
Are you mad at them? Your friends and everyone who...went along with it.
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[ At least with sentencing one, they avoided one being sentenced at random. That sounds like something "fun".
Siffrin's voice lowers, but it's still... the same soft-spoken neutrality they've been carrying this conversation. Almost weather-talkish. ]
I'm angrier that no one came forward with the truth. That they watched the whole thing, and they'll be watching tomorrow, too. Though... self-defense doesn't make someone "guilty" either, so we'd still have a hard decision in the end.
[ (...
Except you would still be able to save your family members. Spend time with your friends. Enjoy the company of...
Well. None of that matters now.) ]
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[That's right. There is a true killer. And they didn't step forward. They let this happen. They let Siffrin take the fall.]
[His hands clench and unclench, jaw a little tight.]
Do you want me to find out who did it?
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... If it'll make you feel better. I don't mind if they live with guilt eating at their heart, though.
[ ... ]
I still... don't feel like it was a one person job, either. [ They'd said as much at the carnival. ] So... I guess that might make it easier, if so.
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[...]
So two people can get wishes...at the death of another.
[Selfish. Selfish. As if he hadn't considered it for a second, at least just the idea of a wish, to find the rainbow, and...]
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... ]
I wonder if I count as one of them. Or if it's just her.
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[Too much work. Effort.]
If you...had a wish. What would it have been?
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Beneath the Favor Tree. You wonder if the Universe listened, or if it watched you like it always does.
...
What would you wish for? What did you then...
It's still the same, you guess. It always will be.) ]
... To be able to stay with my family members. Beyond our journey together. But wishes just give you the means, it doesn't actually make them real. You still put in the effort.
[ So there's no telling how that wish would've shaped out!!! ]
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[It's hard to think about it. It's hard to think about a lot of things.]
[He would want to find the rainbow. He would wish to see him again.]
[But a wish wouldn't make that real. That's what Siffrin is saying.]
Do they feel the same way? [A pause.] It reminds me of...Falsch.
[who]
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They don't. Everyone... is going their own separate ways, after it ends.
[ (They're all going to leave you.
With smiles on their faces, happy, eager to get on with their lives.) ]
Who's Falsch?
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[He thinks of the Mole Troupe. Ah, how he remembers it. The ever-gloomy Falsch, trying to grasp that beautiful image of the past.]
I know how that feels.
[He left the Troupe, too. They all did. They all had to.]
...An actor I met. He lived in the darkness. In the underground, more specifically. He used to be part of a group...the Mole Troupe. But one day, it all felt apart. And all he wanted...was to reunite them all once again. To have his Mole Troupe on that stage. He thought he was abandoned, and he tried to put together his Troupe with people he found...like me.
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You understand this Falsch very much. Your throat is tight, and you don't want to hear anything else. All you want... is to stay with them. Is that too much to ask? To be together?
To never be alone again?) ]
... Did you have fun? In his troupe.
[ (Why is always an actor? Because you're all so, so good at being someone that others want to be around? Because you can pretend to be good, to be selfless, to be kind and considerate when really-- really you're selfish and disgusting and a monster, a monster that monsters run from, one they don't see as human because how could you be if you have nothing that proves you are.) ]
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[He wasn't very good. They all weren't very good, save for Falsch, really, and he already had the experience. But that wasn't the point, he thinks. He may know much, but even he knows the worth of something isn't measured in how many people clapped.]
[He smiles, warmly.]
But I look back on it, and...I was happy. And I was happy to be part of it. Even if it didn't last forever.
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[ Siffrin watches his reflection in the mirror. Wonders what everyone else sees, to make them speak so kindly. To miss him. To want to apologize, to say he doesn't deserve it.
(Was Falsch frustrated? Sad? Or satisfied?
You wonder what that feels like. Satisfaction.) ]
... And Falsch? How did it end with him?
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[Good and bad. By wonderful actors and horrible ones. There must be something to it. He always felt like more like the audience. Everyone else plays out their lives.]
[He's catching up. He didn't find that prism-color performance, yet.]
Mm, him? He's a drunkard, and a man doing whatever job he could. Even strange things. I'm sure he returned to that, but... [But. He thinks about it for a moment.] From our belowground experience...I think he got what he wanted. He had a play, you see. Now he knows what to do with it. He can be above ground, now. In the light.
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And yet, you're once again readying for the stage. Ever on call, aren't you, Siffrin.
... Lucky Falsch.) ]
If he can, then he definitely did. And you helped with that, Sariel. I'm sure he's happy you were part of it too.
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Well, I hope the same will be for you. That you will see the-
[But that's right.]
[He won't do that.]
[Something crumples in his face with a noise in his throat, and he doesn't continue. How awful. He never thought about it. He didn't want to. And now, being reminded of it, it just makes him feel sick.]
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(You decide to tell Sariel Chara's thoughts.) ]
You know... I'm pretty hard to get rid of. The King was angry too, that time and time again I was the reason he never succeeded.
[ It was funny. It didn't end up being too funny, but at the moment (you felt so powerful). ]
Chara thinks that I'll come back somehow. We all will. Because The Witch doesn't have a need to permanently kill us off, if he's looking to draw on our feelings -- that's a waste of resources. [ ... ] I probably won't see you again, or at least not for a while... but I won't be gone forever. Probably.
[ It's only a theory. And it might do more harm than good, but...
... Siffrin doesn't like the way that Sariel looks, right now. Feels helpless to do anything but parrot the words of a peer. Someone who's been through what they have, who they trust. ]
w4 post knifening
...
Which is just flinging himself between point a and point b and trying to stick a landing that isn't Too stuck in the flooring. Plenty of little divots mark their progress, or lack there of. ]
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[DUDE WHAT ARE YOU DOING...Sariel is coming in a little alarmed.]
You're going to hurt yourself. Please.
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Don't mind the bits of red in some of the numerous digits, it's gone off the blade itself. ]
I'm practicing. If I can get good enough, I might be able to visit the solarium. Or go upstairs to the observatory, before I can't anymore.
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[Before they can't anymore, huh.]
How long will this last for?
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[ Do you know, Sariel. The Cinderella story. ]
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We don't have a Cinderella here. Either way....you might as well not...move around so much. I mean, in a way that might damage you.
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I think I'll be fine even if my blade breaks off. But okay, I'll be careful.
[ ... ]
Do you wanna sit? We can have tea together. Sort of.
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[And he's moving to get what he needs, the teapot and hot water and all.]
It really is...good to talk with you.
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Guess how that goes. ]
Yeah. You too. I really am glad-- [ second attempt. as good as the first. ] --that you're well.
[ ...
A wiggle. ]
Um. Can you put me up there.
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Of course.
[Gently setting them on the table, next to the cup.]
Sadly no drinking for you, huh...
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On the table now... Siffrin, as the knife, will flop onto the cup. A little clink. ]
No. But the thought counts.
[ To that end, they'll dip their blade in. And then lift it. See? Drinking. ]
I have a cup of hot chocolate with me right now, though. So we can still drink together.
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[A beat, as he looks around, but...ah.]
It's in the other world, isn't it?